Why is it that when things fall apart in your life, you lose interest in life? The pizazz fizzles and fades away and the stars fall out of the sky and leave the night an inkier black. Everything takes on a dull and lusterless sheen. Getting out of bed becomes a chore, getting dressed becomes the hardest thing of the day and food becomes tasteless.
Oh, don't look now, but I think a white van just pulled up to the curb and those big strapping guys getting out are all dressed in white! And they are carrying white ropes, a white jacket with long white straps and a pail of white golf balls and pulling a white wagon with a huge bottle of water.
Now that we have established that - #1 the fist paragraph defines and describes classic depression and -- # 2 - the second paragraph lines out the classic remedy and cure for that which is the loony bit and lots of medication.
Now that we have that clarified - we can move on to the serious stuff. I need - 1 - a good stiff drink, - 2 - a long vacation, - 3- a bottle of wine and - 4 - time alone!!
Well - so happens the liquor cabinet never got filled - couldn't afford it, same goes for the vacation, so that leaves 3 and 4 as viable options to be considered. The guys are walking up to the door step as we speak - they look a bit serious - as if this task is of some dire and undercover significance for the Federal Government!!
OK - where were we? Oh - lack of motivation - some of us just naturally go through slumps in life - Remember the Lynn Anderson song - I never promised you a rose garden? When a pin punctures our balloon - our bubble of life - the energy drains as surely as does the air from that punctured balloon which first shoots upwards and then comes floating to the ground, collapsing and shrinking as it descends to fall upon the earth. Much the same as our dashed hopes and dreams. I never saw one of those deflated balloons ever get up , re-inflate and rise back into the air within seconds of ground contact. Matter of fact, most of them get picked up and trashed. So what happens when our dreams come crashing down around our feet, the rug gets pulled out from underneath them and the floor collapses in our world? We 'melt' down. We pull inside of ourselves, hide from the world and try to find that little dark corner where no one can see the hurt, the heartache, the pain, the loss we are feeling. There we must rest, find the courage again to to step forward into the light and slowly but surely rise again to the surface of reality, facing the world and building new dreams, new hopes and setting new goals and new heights to reach for.
Shshshsh - I think they're trying to get in! Why don't they just knock, for crying out loud? I didn't lock the door to keep them out! I locked it to keep out the guy who wanders around the neighborhood trying to get into windows, doors, cars and anything else he finds open in order to help himself to what he didn't work to pay for.
Time - so it is said - heals all. Time - and love - and patience -
I'm not so sure it heals so much as it puts space between the event that caused the crash and your inner self preservation. The longer the space, the less the everyday expectation, touch, feel and emotion. The less of those - the more attention is turned to other people, other events, other interests. Until at some point the loss of the dream isn't noticed as sharply and painfully.
Oh! Now they get the idea!! 'Knock, knock' - softly as if they expect the noise to cause some extreme reaction!! Lets sit quiet and see how long they can be patient.............'KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK'! .Oh there's what I expected - the harsh, hard knock of authority that demands response and right of entry.
Do I open the door and let them in? I can see the slight hint of fear in their eyes - they do not think it is there - but how can it not be? They really don't know what to expect. Docility? Fierce and violent denial and fight?
Will they need the rope? The straight jacket restraint? All followed by those golf ball sized pills and lots of water or the needle?
Medication is the answer to all of humanity's ailments these days. Long term medication in order to control the natural flow of the body's own system. Oh, I will grant that these are sometimes the only means to balance a system that has failed to function as it was intended to. But in some cases, it blocks and inhibits the body's natural reaction to stress, loss and hurt. How does one face the crash after the removal of these blocks?
One still has to wake up and face the sunrise, slip the feet over the edge of the bed, find some clothes, take a shower and find something to stop that awful growling in the pit of the stomach. One still has to face the reality of a very changed life and life path - still has to struggle with the aloneness of stepping forward to recreate a path that now has a different structure - that is in need of re-direction and new goals and new hopes and dreams.
If I open the door, they will come in and begin the reprogramming sequence and God alone knows how and where that will lead and end. If I run - will they intercept me at the back door or can I make good my getaway? Can I hide and pretend they are not there and hope they will go away and give me time to walk out of the front door, head held high, so that no one can see what they think they saw?
Hiding and running from problems and fears never solved them. So it is best to open the door and face the fears and send them away -
Even from here the play can be rewritten, the cast redirected.
It is the very essence of life and hurt and loss and pain that opens the door to creativity - turns the spigot that releases the flow of words and energy. Pick up the pen and paper - lift the dusty cover from the old typewriter - push the button sending power to the computer key board and let the fingers fly across the keys - watch the words appear is if by magic - allow that which is the thread of life - the fabric of living - emotions - free flow.
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